October 2018

I say October in general because I am not sure how much I am going to blog this month. So much turmoil. Adrienne, baby and I left for Alaska on September 5th - 7 months from the day we landed in Burbank coming down here. We had to drop him off on Friday the 7th at 1:00 pm - we got into Anchorage about 2 in the morning- I left them to get the bags and called the car storage place and went to get the car -come back and get them- we headed out to the valley- staying at the valley motel - it seems the bigger rooms are down below like below street level and they are pretty depressing. I felt like it was so cold I was covered in blankets- the window above me -I was pretending I was camping... guess that is what you get for 92.00 winter rates at the Valley Motel. At any rate moving forward to Friday at 1:00 pm - it was heart wrenching.. literally heart wrenching .. to have to hand baby over... I am pretty sure I cried for quite a while but then I had to get it together to go to the lawyers and give them more money - making sure that they knew I was not happy with the outcome from the first batch and I expected a heck of a lot more from the second and third installments. I left on Saturday night the 8th arriving in LA on the 9th at 5am. I thought I was doing so good, holding it all together until I got  home and well it was just sad...  so sad ... it took me almost a week to adjust. I was surprised at how long it took me to adjust to them being gone. Everything was a memory and everything I did was a memory and it really took a toll on me. Things got better as time went on and I adjusted... just in time to head up to Anchorage to visit. I went up on September 23rd arriving early am on Monday the 24...  We were not picking Baby up until 1 pm at the Carrs in Eagle River.. I was sooooo excited to see him... I could barely stand how slow the hours seemed to be going by... finally we got there.. he was already there waiting with Jess and Jess's father... I got out of the car after Adrienne  was holding him and he looked at me and his face lit up and he reached out for me.... well... it was a wonderful few days... I was there Monday night, Tuesday night and left on Wednesday at 11 pm. We had so much fun and just enjoyed ourselves.. when I had to leave I was explaining about the airplanes and he could see them taking off.. etc.. and he was so excited saying.. Daddo and Rainey and baby go... over and over and over and I would say no that only Grandma was going and baby was staying and he would shake his head and say no... baby was going. When we got to departures and I got  out he was reaching for me and trying to undue his seat buckles so he could get out and go with and I had to tell him no.... he started sobbing saying peeeeaaasseee go - well, I got him out and sat with him for a while in my lap in the front seat... it was torture.. finally I was able to go ..  I checked in... got through security and headed to the bathroom for a back stall to sit in and simply allow myself to cry.... but the good news is ... that coming home the second time was not nearly as hard as the first... so... news wise.. we are going to New Orleans next weekend to visit Tom's sister ...we get back on Tuesday morning the 16th and then I am going up the next day to AK for a few days and then we will all be going up the last week of the month. Hoping for the best to happen on October 31st... this time we are going to be prepared.. :)