Saturday

I was putting up the (second) tree yesterday and I sat down for a moment to rest.  The Christmas music was playing and as I was looking at the tree I was transported back in time to my mothers at Christmas. I was there with her and I could see her. She was moving around the living room while I sat on the couch. She was smiling at me and the connection was so real and so brief. Adrienne broke it. She said she could tell I was thinking about mother and I told her how wonderful it was. I tried to get it back but it was gone. Just a fleeting moment of complete and utter peace.

The holidays are hard for me because of my guilt for the past seven years. I was so busy with "everything" and I kept telling my mother that as soon as I was done with school then I would have time to run her errands and do all the things she needed me to do. I felt that my classes were more important and studying was more important. Little did I know she would be gone forever in just a short time. So you see I live with this guilt every year and wish that I had dropped everything and just spent the days with my mother.

I think that my love for the holidays was born from her love of them. She would love the great room right now. She would love playing board games wtih the girls at the table in the evenings and watching Christmas movies. I miss her so much this time of the year but I know for just a brief moment in time I was with her in that memory.

More presents to wrap. We are big on presents around  here. I enjoy seeing the joy on everyones faces when the see all the wonderful stuff that "santa" brought them on Christmas morning.

Tom, Rainey and I are heading to Arizona for a short vacation after my classes are over and before Christmas. We are going down on the 15th and will be back late on the 23rd. So I have just 14 days to get everything ready for Christmas around here because I will be a whilwind on Christmas Eve and Christmas day and then on the 29th we have a birthday. Adrienne will be turning 22 years old.

During the month of November everyone was saying what they were thankful for and I just want to say that I am thankful that I had the opportunity to have such a good mother. I am sure that everyone feels the loss of loved ones this time of year and my heart goes out to everyone who  has suffered a loss of a loved one. Just a private moment to say thank you for having had them in our lives.